Chunks

As time passes by, the more it flies, the more I run fast. I never realised how potentially and practically explosive cleaning up can be. Shards of my life have remained buried under tons of things with no name. It’s all of my memories, all of my past playing right in front of my eyes. I suddenly become aware of the fact that there’s more of myself than I thought there was. Ideas I had, projects I started and dropped, sudden spurs of creativity and all of my desires, my goals in life. My doing things on a whim and then forgetting it all. I think of all the fears I’ve been bearing for all this time, the lack of satisfaction that partly accompanies most of my actions. In these past two days I’ve been muttering this Beatles’ line: “You don’t know what it’s like to listen to your fears”. Somehow it’s so true. Somehow it’s trying to say something more than it shows. It does appeal to me, it feels like it’s describing me. My fears speak, holding myself down takes the shape of words, all of what I do and did and tossed away and rejected because I thought it wasn’t enough. Good enough. And then after all these years, with all that’s gone past, what I’m now how I see myself… Every fragment finds its place, a new place to stay. There’s a new light on everything.